Thursday, April 14, 2011

It Happened One Day

The world sat in the corner of the waiting room. As Son sent a woman, who when asked “What exactly is wrong?” could offer no other explanation besides the circling of her face and throat coupled with a distracted “I’m just… I don’t feel good”, to return to a waiting seat, the world began to sing. Simultaneously, it sang two songs, each in two octaves. One song it sang to the left, and one song, to the right.

It had become habitual for Son to listen to the world’s singing. Son loves music! Why should he let one human-music inspired self-mutilation experience ruin all music for him? The world has a quite distinguished singing voice, mind you. Anyways, the world sung, and Son heard.

To the right, the world sang:

(In the voice of Jane) “Mam, before you return to your seat in the waiting room, please allow me to explain just one more thing to you. What I am about to explain is for your information. Just in case you saw that strange and bulky object in the alcove directly behind you, and wondered what “on earth” it could be, I have the answer! I can inform you of its purpose. It is a new and pharmaceutically revolutionary “machine-object” that can, and if you elect to utilize its services, will save you a trip to your local Walgreen’s, CVS, what-have-you, etc. The “machine-object” behind you has been named “The Insty-Meds Machine”. Listen now, to this! This “Insty-Meds Machine” is more-or-less – and in my opinion, more – a “Vending Machine”. But! Instead of vending your typical “Nutrageous”, “Jay’s”, “Lay’s”, or “Funyuns” snack items, the “Insty-Meds Machine” vends medicines. You can, if you elect to use its services, buy any number of medicines that the doctor – who I assure, will be with you shortly – may or may not prescribe to you. Your “Amoxicillins”, “Z-Packs”, “Robitussin AC”, “Prednisone”, “Albuterol”, “Valium”, pills, syrups, suspensions, what-have-you, etc., etc., etc., are all inside of this machine. The only thing stopping you from purchasing your medicines from within the very room in which we sit, is your permission. Yes, I need your permission. Permission to scan your supplementary prescription insurance card into the “Insty-Meds Data-Base”, a data-base the “Insty-Meds Machine” is close friends with – maybe even best friends. Let me be honest with you for a second, I don’t think there is a secret between them. Do you think “Machines” have realized within their “Machine-Potential” their ability to tell lies? Woah, woah, woah, Jane! You’re getting yourself sidetracked here! I’m sorry about that Mam. So, do you give me permission to scan you prescription insurance card into the “Insty-Meds Database”? So that in the case the doctor prescribes to you any of the medicines currently in-stock within the “Insty-Meds Machine”, based upon his or her provisional diagnosis, which is of course based upon whatever those symptoms were you informed me of a few minutes ago, you will be able to purchase those prescribed medicines right here, without even going to the CVS right around the corner.”

(In an obese and tired woman’s smoky exhalation) “Nah, that’s ok, I have to go to Walgreen’s anyways.”

And to the left, the world sang:

(In your Mother’s voice) “Hey, this is your Mother. I’m good. How are you? Good. Hey, I have a question for you. Can you answer a question I have? Yeah, I was wondering, how much does a pack of Newport 100’s cost? You don’t know?! What do you mean you don’t know? You don’t know that they cost Five-Dollars and Seventy-One cents? How is it that you don’t know this? Do you mean to tell me that you didn’t buy a pack of Newport 100’s this morning at Shell-Station #1068? Oh you did! I see. You just didn’t bother to look and see how much they cost, with tax included. Did you buy this pack of Newport 100’s with my debit card? You did. Well, thank you for at least being honest with me. Can I ask you another question? Can you let me in on something? How did you get my debit card? I never gave it to you. Your father is under strict instructions not to give it to you. Did you steal my debit card? You did?! Well, thank you for your honesty. Jake, are you listening to me? Don’t be a thief! Don’t be a thief. Oh? You’re going? Ok, well… I have to get back to work anyways.

Aha! I knew it! Something just told me!

Steve, are you there? Yeah, yeah, it’s me. I’m at work. Steve? Before you do or say anything to him, go into his room, look through his stuff, and find his cigarettes. When you find his cigarettes, destroy them. Destroy the cigarettes. Guess what? He stole our credit card. That means he is coming into our bedroom, at night, while we are sleeping, and going into my purse. Yeah, I know! From now on, we are sleeping with the door locked, ok? Ok? Ok. After you find the cigarettes, what are you going to do? No, no, after you destroy them. You’re going to punish him, ok? Ok. Love you too, sweetie. Wait, what did you just say you did? I thought you were going to start building the deck today. What?! You did what?? Honey!! Why would you move my landscaping rocks?! Ok, yeah, gotta go. Love you, too.

He moved my landscaping rocks!”

Now, the world never intended for Son to do what he set his mind to that day. The world was only singing. But, when two songs, sung in two octaves, swirl round and round the air of a room, tiptoe all the way through Son’s ears’ canals, meet upon their arrivals in the center, shake hands, and say “Good to know you, friend”, Son is just the sort of person who tends to wonder “What in the world” would make the world want to sing such songs. You know the type. So, one can understand how easy it really would be for Son to misinterpret the songs’ meanings.

As the songs, long since over, resonated within and without his mind, Son sat, stared at the ground and thought to himself: “Well, I suppose this must be it. Why didn’t anyone tell me that he was being serious when he claimed every imagination of the thoughts of their hearts was only evil continually? Come on, it sounded like he was exaggerating. Geez. Well world, how big do you want it to be?”

Meanwhile, in the waiting room, there are five children – one boy and four girls. Each has a smart phone in their hands. All five smart phones render the song “Baby” by Justin Bieber. Though, each child had pressed “play” according to their own time. The smart phones spew tinny and distorted versions of the words “baby, baby, baby, oh baby”. All five children are dancing. All five children are tracing the words. Each in their own time. At the very least, this situation, event, what-have-you, is informing one boy’s and four girls’ sexuality.

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