From: Yours Truly
To: The Foundation
Dear Sirs and Madams,
I write today with the news. Yes, I have the news. The news myself and the entire Nohv Pairjen Miento organization have anticipated for weeks. I am confident that each one of you is aware of what I am hinting at – not that this is some sort of guessing game.
If the person reading this letter is reading aloud to the foundation, please cue a drum-roll to sound after you have spoken with my voice: “Drum-roll please!” If you have missed the meeting, and are reading this notice on your own, cue the drum-roll yourself. No demand necessary.
With that, it excites me to announce to you that yes, we have the mothers. The mothers are in. Each and every one of them has signed the universal consent forms. They have halted their previous birth-control regiments. And currently, all are en route to the facility. That’s rights folks, all four-hundred and fifty-five of them. They’re excited. I’m excited. We’re excited.
I’ve included the results of our recently concluded experiment which, if you’ve been following closely, establishes the differences in ability between fraternal and identical brands. It seems our initial musings were unsound. Needless to say, we’re going with the identical brand.
D.W. and I will be joining you all on Tuesday for negotiations with representatives from the identical brand. The negotiations begin at eleven o’clock. The Head has expressed a desire for us all to meet together before the negotiations begin so that any misunderstandings or qualms may be resolved. The Head has specifically instructed me to inform you that this conference will be a safe place. Feel free to air out anything that is on your mind. I suspect there will be much to talk about. With that, what say we meet at seven o’clock? If that is too early for any of your transpacific commuters (I know tunnel service isn’t what it used to be) let either me or D.W. know a few days beforehand so we can arrange to meet at a later time.
But not much later.
Best drink your coffee,
Yours Truly, M.E-B., Ph.PI., M.D.O.